It’s been a while since I spent time with myself

Aside

Time seems to go so quickly now, work, life, relationships.  My feet hit the floor in the AM and my only rest is when my head hits the pillow at night.

Finally I can say certain aspects of my life truly make me happy and I have found a stillness, a peaceful calm

That being said, the struggle continues with my body, my eating, the negative self talk.  And this energy rages through my skin like volcanic liquid, searing the simple joys of life.

It’s exhausting.  I truly believe that this thinking will never leave me.  I can’t shut it off, I can’t quiet the voice.  I have programmed myself to believe that my body is an example of success or failure.  And when I look in the mirror all I see is failure.  If I can see it, then the rest of the world must see it to.

The belief is so suffocating that I can’t even get a gasp of fresh air to see how I am so much more then flesh and bones.  Even as I write this, all I can hear in my head is “You are nothing, you haven’t accomplished anything, and look your fat, couldn’t even do that properly”

This is my struggle.  The effects bleed out into all aspects of my life.

I am constantly searching to figure out how to find peace with my body, to love it for everything that it does for me.

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