I will LOVE myself and that will BE ENOUGH

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Since a young age we are taught to seek validation from outside sources.  We first learn to seek validation and love from our parents, as we get older in school we seek this from our teachers.  As we grow and mature into adults we are constantly looking for validation from friends, lovers, parents, employers.

Why is it no surprise that none of us really love ourselves!  Why are so many of us starving for love, attention, validation from external sources?  It’s simple that is what we’ve been taught.

Having been bullied, suffered and survived anorexia and continue to battle depression one of the reoccurring issues that always becomes a brutal reality is self LOVE.  With all honesty I can say I don’t love myself, and I am and I have always looked outwardly for love, attention, seeking validation, seeking praise.  Because without it I have been taught I am nothing!  When starved of love, attention, validation, I feel worthless, alone, insignificant, hollow, empty & meaningless !  It’s every human’s basic need to be loved.

What I didn’t realize, is that LOVE could and can come from within.  Sounds so simple? And it should be!  But when you’ve spent a lifetime believing and practicing one way, when all you have known is getting love externally, the concept of loving yourself is so foreign.

The first step in change is acknowledgement, unraveling the years of societal brainwashing and self indoctrination.  BUT I have never been one to back down from a challenge!

What an amazing concept, I can LOVE myself.  Validation can come from within me!  No longer will I feel the need for shallow, superficial, insincere attention because when I love myself that will be ENOUGH.  No longer will I hurt or cry over rejection, no longer will I be starving for attention, love, acceptance.  I will no longer stay in bad relationships starving for whatever scraps of love.  I will cut loose bad friendships.

When you love yourself, you see things for what they are, not the illusion!  I will no longer need to exert so much of my effort, putting so much of myself on offer, to make sure I get loved.  I will LOVE myself and that will be enough.

What an amazing revelation, this body, my vessel, for years I staved it! And it continues to serve me.  For years I made it feel like on its own it wasn’t enough.  I abused it, made it believe that it needed outside love to be whole.

Now I must ask it for forgiveness.  Love it for all the amazing  things it does for me, without asking or expecting  anything in return.  I will make sure everyday how much I appreciate it, how much I love it!  Everyday I will work towards detangling what I have been taught, I will work towards LOVING MYSELF Because IT IS ENOUGH.

Alis Volat Propriis

“Struggle is worth it, because within struggle is purpose and purpose is where your worth is”

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“I met a girl once ,went through the same thing, She told me shit happens, but things change, she told me all this pain, Don’t mean chains, you gotta take it and remake it, ‘Til it means strength” Angel Haze

 After hearing about the suicide Amanda Todd here in Maple Ridge B.C I felt compelled to again write about bullying. (Original post about my own experience “Bullies, cowards at Heart“)

The sad truth is that Amanda isn’t the first to take her own life due to bullying and she won’t be the last.  Bullying is serious.  Having suffered myself starting in elementary school finishing the day I graduated, my heart breaks for this poor girl.  To be that desperate, thinking your life is that worthless, feeling alone, no where to turn, must have been an unbearable existence.

I find it hard to find any sympathy for bullies, these are not kids but young adults.  They know better.  Words, bullying, tormenting, harassment, cause emotional wounds that years later never fully heal.  Continuous persecution from peers early on in an impressionable teenage life affects their choices later on – friends, significant others, career etc.   Bullies aren’t just damaging their victims youth but sadly hindering their adult lives.

Worthless, lonely, hopeless, helpless, empty, dreading every new day, crying yourself to sleep, wondering why, terrified to go to school, wishing you were dead!  Asking God what you did?  No where to turn, I’ve been there!

I want all those teens out there, who are going through this right now to know,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  

There is so many people out there that know what you are going through and have lived through! Please reach out!

When you’re a teen everything seems so much more finite, you believe that you are damned, your world is crumbling, this will never stop, life will never get better!

I’ll let you in on a secret LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER AFTER HIGHSCHOOL.  Once I graduated I never saw any of those sad & pathetic bullies again.  You go out in the world almost brand new, clean slate, you meet amazing people who are attracted to your inner beauty, and not crucified by some childish reputation that some pitiful teens created to make themselves feel better!  And you can walk around with your head high because you have a great source of strength that many don’t because you have been to hell and back and survived.

Don’t ever allow people to make you hang your head in shame, your life is WORTH so much more.  THEY ARE no better then you.  Think of all the incredible things you can do and create!  If YOU can make it through such a dreadful time, you can make it through anything life throws at you.  The power that you hold within yourself is endless.

Don’t suffer in silence, reach out to anyone, parents, older sister/brother, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Teachers, Police, forums for bullying there are so many people out there who are wanting to help.

Change schools, move, home school, join groups, do whatever to distance yourself from all negativity and the bullies!

Life can be cruel.  You have to try filter out the negativity use the pain & hurt & turn it into strength, use it as fuel to mold your most amazing life!  Show them!  You might be bruised but never broken! Get up! Dust yourself off and NEVER GIVE UP!

You may never know why you became a target.  Acknowledge that it isn’t about you!  Bullies need someone to fulfill their needs to feel powerful and feed their own insecurities, and you just happen to be there, wrong place, wrong time.

Know that you are beautiful, intelligent, strong, worthy of life and love.  You have so much to offer the world.  Never allow other people who hate themselves, using you as a punching bag to dim your light.  All those who follow are sheep, too afraid to stand up for what is right, too afraid they too will become a target.  Jealousy is horrible trait, and fuels most bullies.  You emanate a essence about you that they wish they had, you are unique!  The higher you soar the smaller you appear to others who can’t.  There will always be people who want to see you fall and fail, they will try and break your spirit, rape your soul.  NEVER allow them.  Stand your ground.  Dust yourself off and NEVER LOOK BACK.

Alis Volat Propriis

Victoria