No amount of rest could cure this exhaustion

Standard

mclaughlin2exhaustion22

Another day off, another day of trying to peel myself out of bed.

I’m exhausted.  My chest is heavy, my brain is foggy.  I could lay in bed all day sleeping, coupled by mindlessly scrolling through social media.

I feel pathetic, why can’t I motivate myself to get up and get things done.

I make the bed and some breakfast, only to be so exhausted that I lay on the couch.  I drag myself out to take the dog for a walk… or is he the one taking me for a walk?

I made plans with friends today in hopes that would motivate me to get out of bed and get going.  Instead I just cancelled.

I’m starting to wonder, is this even the remnants or depression and bipolar?  Honestly I feel for once in my life that is under control.  With the exception of the obvious body dysmorphia.

Is it just the severe exhaustion that has sucked the life out of me that really is the culprit?

I’m tired of going to the doctor to only have her tell me that my blood work is great.  Then WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?  Is this normal? Is everyone this tired? Do I need to just suck it up?

I take all sorts of vitamins and herbs.  I eat quite healthy.  I work out 6 days a week.  I don’t eat meat or fish.  I don’t drink.  I inject my own b12.  I really am at the end of my rope.

I can continue living like this… but do I want to? I lived for years eating nothing and working out for 6 hours a day, I don’t to question my endurance.

I’m tired of being exhausted.  It’s exhausting trying to find answers and be your own cheerleader.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s