I’m stronger, now what, so I say, But something’s missing

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Lost, un-passionate… wandering without purpose.   That is how I feel lately!  Feeling un-accomplished, as if I don’t add worth to anything I touch, lacking substance.  Ending each day feeling inadequate.

What is my purpose here?  What is the imprint I will leave on this world?  Small however it may be, what is it?

I have a vision, a picture a concept of what I want to leave the world.  I want to be an advocate for eating disorders, I want to symbolize healthy recovery, embody nourishment not only physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually and I want to share that with the world.  I want to help, I want to change lives.. how do I do this?

It all seems so overwhelming!  Everywhere I look people seem to have their lives together whether it be career or marriage, happiness!  Yet I feel as though I am fumbling in the darkness! Grasping for hands to hold, clutching the fleeting moments I have clarity, seizing what momentary happiness I have!  Holding onto the memory of those brief feelings of complete euphoria!

Not only do I fight society to prove my worthiness, I have to prove to my peers and most importantly and the more difficult of the two I have to substantiate my worthiness to myself.

Isn’t it enough, aren’t I enough! Why is it that to substantiate my existence, to be worthy in the eyes of society, to be taken seriously as a human being I need to be a fearless woman with a career, making 6 figures.  I need to be a mother with a husband and a white picket fence.   I need to be courageous, self made, needing no one, I need to have it all!

I just want to have purpose when I wake up in the morning and a sense of accomplishment when I lay down my head at night!  I don’t want to have to worry that I am on the right path instead I want to know I am on the right path!!  I want to be fulfilled in life, I want to make a difference I want to help people, make my small mark on the world!

But right now I’m not sure how that looks, I’m lost!  I’m floating aimlessly like a bubble waiting to be popped so I can land on my feet running with purpose, with direction, fulfilled!

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3 thoughts on “I’m stronger, now what, so I say, But something’s missing

  1. You need to write a book..one page at a time…just like you did on this blog…how about sift through your past blogs…maybe the pieces of the pages will come together…just start…

  2. every body has these ‘brooding’ days. FUCK what people think, do what makes you happy. God bless you , you have come so far and your blog truly helped and inspired me as im sure many others as well. keep your head up. take it one day at a time and you will have all that YOU want….and thank you very much…..really really thank you

  3. I feel like this everyday too. It’s been depressing me lately.
    I can really relate to your blog.
    You’re very beautiful by the way.

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