an·o·rex·i·a

Standard

noun /ˌanəˈreksēə/ 

  1. A lack or loss of appetite for food (as a medical condition)
  2. An emotional disorder characterized by an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat

So there it is the”definition”of anorexia. The sad reality, anorexia encompasses so much more then a definition in the dictionary.

How do I know this? Because for 10 years I lived it.

I can say with 100% conviction that I have lived every avenue of anorexia, bulimia & eating disorders in general.  I’ve done the most bizarre things when I was sick.  The typical being – starved myself, purged, diet pills, laxatives, excessive exercise etc.  I’ve done things I am ashamed of, things I would never admit, things that people who haven’t ever struggled with eating disorders will NEVER understand.  Most likely if you ask me, I’ve been there done that and “dumped” that.  Let me tell you the actual “dumped” aka “recovery” will most likely be the hardest journey in my life I have ever had to walk.

Throughout my recovery I can admit there were days where I prayed at night for God to take me.  Thank God he never listened! Because if there is one thing I have learned through my recover its to NEVER GIVE UP & NEVER SURRENDER.  I was lucky enough to have 2 great parents who never let me give up & more important never gave up on me.  They built me up on days when I was at my weakest with nothing left to fight.

Anorexia ravaged my body, by the time I was ready to get better.  Anorexia had severely damaged my teeth, some of my organs were failing not to mention the nutritional deficiency.  My body could barely produce acid to break down food.  Long story short it was an ugly mess.  It took years to recover physically & emotionally I’m still not 100%.

What have I learned?

I’ve learned that I am much more then “anorexia”.  I learned that I am a compassionate person who has a lot to offer the world.  I have learned that I AM STRONG, if I put my mind to it I can achieve it.  I have learned that even when I feel I have nothing left, I have somehow found that last bit of strength to pull me through.  I’ve learned that I’d much rather be out in the world living life then locked in the throws of anorexia.  I’ve learned to quiet that voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t pretty enough, wasn’t smart enough to live in this world.  I have learned balance with exercise, food with life in general.  I have learned that life is a marathon not a short sprint & we all arrive at our destined paths when the time is right for us!

🙂 Alis Volat Propriis

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9 thoughts on “an·o·rex·i·a

  1. I too am glad God did not take you away! I am so proud of how far you have come and that you have the courage to share your story. From the first time I met you, I felt your experience would be instrumental in helping to change the lives of those struggling. I am thrilled you are speaking up and letting your voice be heard. They say, those of us who have experienced such struggle and trauma in our lives are the ones most apt to being leaders of change in the world, if we know how to learn and grow from the experiences. Welcome to your new leadership shoes! You have now stepped into your own power, speaking loudly and boldly to invoke much needed change! An abundance of blessings to you!

  2. Wow..Vicki..that is intense. i mean sure..i know that anorexia is no joke..and its really hard (especially being on contest prep) i know now how lack of food/nutrients can control the mind and prevent rational thoughts from occuring…it’s just so much deeper than i thought.

    i’m impressed by you woman..i look forward to reading more about you..not just your struggles but from your triumph. MUAH
    *hugs and kisses* babe…you’re a survivor 🙂

  3. You are amazing. Your blog is amazing and I will be following your posts. Keep being an amazing influence and inspiration to girls, boys, women, and men who relate to you girl! See you in the gym!

  4. You are incredible, one of a kind, and brave. I am so proud of you for sharing your journey with the world; it is a better place because of it. I can’t wait to read more of your posts. Your heart is the most beautiful part of your being, and it shines radiantly through your writing.

    Keep it up babe!!

  5. BikiniorBust posted about you and I had to come check out your blog. So glad I did! I am so happy you found the way out of your abyss, its terrifying to think about it. I obsess over food, I have the compulsive binging disease, so the opposite to you. Its a tough battle, but I’ve pulled myself out for almost 3 years now. Still crave sugar horrible!

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